Having Difficult Conversations

I was sitting at the kitchen table, face-to-face with a man I cared about deeply. As a pastor, I had to confront something he was doing that wasn’t right. I wish I could say I handled it perfectly. I didn’t. I was young and inexperienced. But what happened next stunned me: he stood up and came across the table at me swinging.

I ducked.

That moment ended our relationship.

I’ve replayed that conversation in my mind more than once. Could I have said it differently? Softer? Kinder? Maybe. But here’s what I know now: no matter how I said it, he wasn’t ready to hear it. His mind was made up, and his temper was waiting just beneath the surface.

You’ve probably been there too. A heated moment around a kitchen table, a family gathering gone sideways, or a long-overdue confrontation that left you wounded. Difficult conversations are… well, difficult. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t necessary.

Here’s what I’ve learned since then: that one blow-up conversation, as painful as it was, was more honest than the year that came before it. We had spent months smiling, nodding, and pretending everything was fine. Our relationship lived in the “living room”—comfortable, safe, and built on politeness. But it wasn’t built on truth.

Truth, it turns out, is uncomfortable. And that’s why it’s powerful.

Jesus Modeled Truth in Hard Conversations

Look at John 3 (NLT).
A Pharisee named Nicodemus came to Jesus at night. He tried to start with flattery:

“Rabbi, we all know that God has sent you to teach us. Your miraculous signs are evidence that God is with you.”

But Jesus didn’t let the conversation stay surface-level. He cut right to the truth:

“I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God.”

Talk about a sharp turn.

Jesus didn’t avoid the uncomfortable moment. He leaned into it—with compassion and clarity. That’s our model.

Whether you're confronting sin, resolving conflict, or sharing your faith, difficult conversations require grit, grace, and growth.

So How Do You Have a Difficult Conversation?

Here are five key steps that can help:

1. Pray First

Before you say a word, pray. Ask God to give you clarity, humility, and compassion. Let the Holy Spirit prepare your heart—and theirs.

2. Be Clear, Not Cruel

Truth doesn’t require harshness. Speak honestly, but with gentleness. Avoid sarcasm, exaggeration, or emotionally charged language.

3. Check Your Motives

Ask yourself: Why am I having this conversation? If it’s to control, punish, or prove you’re right, you’re not ready yet. If it’s to seek truth, reconciliation, or growth, proceed.

4. Listen Well

A conversation isn’t a monologue. Make space to listen. Even if emotions rise, hold steady. Listening doesn’t mean agreement—it means respect.

5. Stay Anchored in Grace

Your goal is not to win a debate—it’s to walk in truth and love. Even if the outcome isn’t what you hoped for, let your words and actions reflect Christ.

Some people may still lash out, walk away, or shut down. But you don’t control their reaction. You’re only responsible for how you speak and stand.

Don’t be afraid of kitchen table conversations. Don’t be afraid to speak the truth. Don’t be afraid to shine light into dark places.

Truth, spoken in love, is never wasted.

“Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.” – Ephesians 4:15 (NLT)

And a word of wisdom - if someone is swinging - DUCK!